Ubuntu :: Touchpad On Pavilion Dm4 - Can't Right Click

Excuse the horrid formatting, this was copy/pasted from the #ubuntu IRC and to be extremely honest I can't be bothered to remove every space. I have a Pavilion dm4 and it has two areas on the bottom of the touchpad to designate right and left clicks. This mostly doesn't work on Ubuntu in the fact that it recognizes any taps on either tap zone as a left click. Instead, I have it set so if I tap anywhere on the pad it makes a left click. There should be, and there are, many ways in the mouse configuration window to simulate a right click using only a touchpad. None of these work. Changing mouse orientation doesn't do anything, "dwell click" also does nothing,

and, the oddest part of this problem, whenever I try to turn "Simulated Secondary Click" off (it doesn't work anyways, but just to try to toggle it), the entire theme of my desktop changes to a gray Windows '95ey look. The only way to get rid of this is to close and reopen the mouse preferences window.My computer is fairly new and the Ubuntu installation is less than a day old. I didn't do anything that I think could cause this. The problem is that I can't right click. Afterword: I installed two scripts from [URL]. They didn't do anything I couldn't already do, and they did not make it possible for me to right click.